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Aidan on the Tour
Vilamoura 2004
To Mr Douglas Smith Esquire,
I would dearly like to thank you on behalf of my whole family. These are: My mother Val, my father Pete, their cat Fluffy, my brother Greg and his wife Mel, their 2 month year old son Dominic and cat Turbo, my youngest sister Fiona and her boyfriend Andy, my elder sister Lisa and her daughter Celeste, Lisa's partner and my best mate Dave, their six month old daughter Arrienne, my lovely wife to be Kerrie and my dog Rosie.
The reason I thank you Mr. Smith is for the great entertainment you have provided for them...........AT MY COST YOU SWINE (get it...swine!). You see my family have been sniggering and "oinking" at me for the last couple of weeks every time I walk into the same room without me being aware of why.
The reason for this is because for the last couple of months I have had no access to t'internet and have not viewed your wonderful website. Last Monday Terrytron "Steptoe" Large told me that I really must look at the "wonderful" and "excellent" quality photographs and videoclips you have provided on your website for the PIGS tour of Vilamoura 2004. I wasn't aware of any "shenanigans" thereon........until Wednesday. After laughing hysterically at the muppet winner Mr. Mick Clarkson "transforming" into the Muppet and your "Products" page beleive you me I was most impressed with the display before me.
I was primarily unnerved when I heard the "pissest of poor" quality of Cliff and I's drunken attempt at singing Karaoke however put it down to the "obviously poor" quality of your recording equipment. I cannot work with amateurs!!!! Then for the bombshell on "Aidan pictures", what I thought would be an epitaph of glory, honour, sunshine and great action shots was nothing but a comedy sketch. What I was presented with shook me to the very core. You sod.............me transforming into the pig.....the nerve of it!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder my family have been ripping me to bits!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway I must go now. I don't want to wildly boar you anymore. I assure you I will not be going bacon your website and I will discuss this matter further with you when we trot down the fairway. I will endeavour to give you a good stuffing at golf. I think you site is unfair. In fact I'd go as far as saying you've made a pigs-ear of it. Why did you dismember the marvellous photographs of me?.........its got snout to do with you. I hope that next year the P.I.G.S WILL punish you for your meanness. I've already had a bad enough couple of weeks. My loins have been very sore since the holiday and I've had to be prescribed oinkment for my feet. Please stop displaying these porkpies about me on the web. Please feel free to put this letter of complaint on your site so the truth can be there for all to see. I do not wish to spit my dummy but please to see this as a roasting.
A very disgruntled
Aidan McEvoy
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