Canasta Hotel Blackpool
Who Is The Stig?

288 - 290 North Promenade
Blackpool
FY1 2EY
Telephone: 01253 290501
E-mail: stay@canastahotel.com

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    The Stig
  • Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves...
  • Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat...
  • Some say he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue...
  • Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks horizontally...
  • Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells...
  • Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all his legs are hydraulic...
  • Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals...
  • Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he's confused by stairs...
  • Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees...
  • Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him...
  • Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that wherever you are in the world if you tune your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts...
  • Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight...
  • Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground...
  • Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he'd burn for a thousand days...
  • Some say he can swim seven lengths underwater, and he has webbed buttocks...
  • Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark...
  • Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott...
  • Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar...
  • Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds...
  • Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show...
  • Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nurburg ring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet...
  • Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother he will headbutt you in the chest...
  • Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason he's allergic to the Dutch...
  • Some say that his first name really is The, and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island they'd all be pregnant including the cameramen...
  • Some say that he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs...
  • Some say that he once had a vicious knife-fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the Cash-for-Honours scandal. All we know is that he's called Lord Stig
  • Some say that he is a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese. All new know is that he's not The Stig - he's The Stig's fat American cousin
  • Some say that if you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as Piccalilli, and that at this week's Brit awards he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand...
  • Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head...
  • Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve...
  • Some say his scrotum has its own small gravity field...
  • Some say because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name...all we know is, he's called Cuddles...
  • Some say he's banned from the town of Chichester...
  • Some say in a recent late night deal he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh...
  • Some say he gets terrible ezcema on his helmet...
  • Some say if he'd been the video ref in the World Cup Rugby Final he would've seen that it was of course a try you blind Australian half-wit...
  • Some say to unlock him you have to run your finger down his face...
  • Some say if he were getting divorced from Paul McCartney he'd keep his stupid whining mouth shut...
  • Some say he thought Star Wars was a documentry...
  • Some say he recently pulled out of I'm a Celebrity because he's frightened of trees....and Australia...Koo Stark...and Ant...and Dec...
  • Some say he knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong...
  • Some say 61 years ago he accidently introduced Her Majesty, the Queen, to a Greek racialist...
  • Some say when he slows down, brake lights come on in his buttocks...
  • Some say if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week he wouldn't have been a feckless-ginger-gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us...
  • Some say he once lost a canoe on a beach in the northeast...
  • Some say he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury because his teddy is called "The Baby Jesus"...
  • Some say that after making love, he bites the head of his partner, and that he's had to give up binge-drinking now that it 's got to 1.18 a litre. All we know is he's called the Stig.
  • Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples. And that he thinks the credit crunch is some kind of breakfast cereal. All we know is he's called the Stig.
  • Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full-size tattoo of his face - on his face. All we know is he's called the Stig.
  • Some say that he is not allowed by law, within a hundred yards of Lorraine Kelly. And that he's never seen an episode of Top Gear because he's a huge fan of Midsomer Murders. All we know is he's called Bergerac.
  • Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks. And he can open a beer bottle with his testes.
All we know is .....
......he's called the Stig.





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The Canasta Hotel Blackpool
288 - 290 North Promenade | Blackpool | FY1 2EY
Tel : UK 01253 290501
International: +44 1253 290501
Website: www.canastahotel.com
E-mail: stay@canastahotel.com
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